Self-help?

Do we really need all the self-help books out there?

Honestly, what do they teach us that we already don’t know? If James Maxwell asks you to be positive or Anthony Robbins asks you to courageous, does it really help other than your adrenaline rising for that moment?

I don’t want to take anything out of all the self-help gurus out there, they are incredibly talented and they mean good. But, honestly, all these self-help books give you temporary comfort blankets that make you feel good about yourself.  And yes, that is the zeroth step. The that is all it remains – the zeroth step.

If you really want to find solutions to your problems, you need to look inside objectively. Know every aspect of yourself and study it as if you would study these off-the-shelf-make-you-feel-good books. Until you don’t understand the ins and outs of your reactions to your surroundings, how do you expect somebody else to help you?

It is scary and deeply humbling to look inside ourselves. When we really observe how we talk, walk and react to the things that keep popping up in our day to day lives, we will be surprised by the revelations. Once we understand ourselves, our problems will go away without a self-help guru.

 

 

Where is my masterpiece?

Sometimes you create master pieces in your work. You do it unintentionally. You do it when you are enjoying yourself and forget about the impact your work can create. Then, you get recognition. People love it. You are happy about the unexpected laurels it brought along.

Then, there are many days where you try to create pieces of art that are overloaded with baggage of past work and future expectations. You believe that they are as good as the masterpiece work of yours. But, they are not. Then you try again, the same result prevails. You get worried. You start thinking if you are a one-hit wonder? You have the potential and crowd loved your masterpiece. You start believing that your best work is behind you. You settle down for some other good pieces of art, which might not compare to your masterpieces.

But you fail to recognize that the problem is not with your work. It is with your mind. Unfortunately, human mind is very sensitive to successes, expectations and failures. It gets heavy and bogged down by reputation. It forgets easily the freedom and lightness of an amateur. It begins to think it is a professional.

But, you still don’t understand this. You look for zen masters and books to understand what you are doing wrong. Why are there no more masterpieces? One zen master says that you need to stop worrying and start believing that every work you create is a master piece. Other zen master says that why do you let the crowd’s judgment of your work be the factor of your happiness. And yet other zen master says to stop worrying.

You are still disappointed. All the zen masters have failed you. They don’t see your problem. They don’t understand how big of a problem this is. How could Picasso and Mozart churn out masterpieces one after another. You believe you are no less than them. Then, in a confused state, you look at yourself in a magic mirror one zen master gave you. The mirror shows you as an overgrown crab holding on to its small shell because that shell brought it happiness. It is afraid to let go of that shell because until it finds a bigger one, it is vulnerable to predators. It knows this shell no longer fits its body that has overgrown it, but how can it let go for everything it knew?

You finally know what to do.

Acting to your reaction

Most of the times, our problems stem from acting upon our reactions to everyday situations. Reacting to an event or situation is common instinct, animals do that always. Aren’t we more capable than animals because of our ability to think? When we react to something, the natural progression is to transform into our reactions. For instance, when we hear that our kids do not listen to us or somebody hurt us, our reaction might be to get angry. Unfortunately, it does not stop there. This unmonitored reaction which may be originating from our free will transforms us into anger. We are anger now. Similarly, we become jealously, love, hate, pleasure, etc. Everything originates from the basic animal instinct of reacting to something and stops by taking us over completely. People seek counseling, therapies, anger management classes, etc for help.

I don’t believe these things to help permanently. They are temporarily solution that will keep appearing until the roots are present in the mind. The way forward in these situations is to not act upon your reactions. Just observe them, but do not act. When you act, do so consciously. Let us consider a simple taken-for-granted activity in our daily lives – breathing. How often in a day do you observe your breath or even realize that you are breathing. Breathing becomes a sub-conscious activity for most of us. Think about it, you will be surprised. Similarly your transformations into your reactions becomes sub-conscious when you don’t observe them. Next time you feel happy, angry, afraid, hungry…, take a moment and observe that thought before naturally acting. That moment you take to delay the natural action of your reaction will reveal to you about yourself more than any therapy or self-help course does.

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A Daily Affirmation

You intrapreneurs, here is a daily affirmation to follow. Print it if you want, stick it on the wall of your cubicle or office or monitor…

“I am an intrapreneur. I will constantly think about how to succeed in my organization. I am a perfectionist. I will put extraordinary efforts on any task I chose to do. I will not compromise on quality and not get swayed by politics. I am a visionary and I will always think of new ways to improve the quality of work. I will think about our customers and how the quality of my work affects them. I will silently prototype and grandly launch an idea. I will not waste my time in the office politics or empty gossips. For me, enjoying my work is as important as finishing it on time. I will constantly improve myself by reading blogs, books, journals etc. I will share the credit and work my way into success.”

Work for Work’s Sake?

This is from Bhagavad Gita, one of the best books ever written anywhere. One part of the book focuses on Karma yoga, result of actions (dreadful oversimplification on my part). Basically, it is mentioned that do work for work’s sake. Do not do it because you are expecting a result or because somebody forced it on you. Do work because you want to do work. The same concept is voiced in buddhism. The other day I was reading a book by Thich-Nhat Hanh (Peace is every step) and the same words were echoed. His point was that when you wash dishes, be mindful and wash dishes. Do it because you want to wash dishes. I think it is a similar variant of the Gita.

Anyway, coming back to Bhagavad Gita, Krishna (the protagonist) instructs Arjuna to not worry about results. He says that, leave the results to me (Krishna is the soul of the world or the creator) and you focus on what you need to do. Do work for work’s sake. This is a beautiful passage. For one to do work for work’s sake, one must enjoy the work. I have found it easy to follow this suggestion when I love what I am doing. In that case, I do not worry about the outcome. Not everyone is lucky in the corporate world to align what they love doing with what their tasks are. That kills productivity and perfection.

For people working in the corporate world, it is important to find ways to do what you love in ways that benefit your company (or team). Once you show this can be done, you can ride on the belief to do greater things.

Krishna illuminating Arjuna

That little “extra” to ordinary

“The difference between ordinary and extra-ordinary is that little extra” – Albert Einstein.
I came across this quote from Einstein yesterday. Not to sound like or compare myself with him, I have followed this and preached this to my friends for a while.

This is a mantra I have been following since my PhD and it surely makes you glitter. Some extra’s I can think of right on top of my head are

When you solve a problem, it is ordinary
When you think about preventing it in future or solving for everyone, it is extraordinary.
When you spend time with your loved ones when they need it, it is ordinary
When you never let the need creep up, it is extraordinary
When you pray to god thanking him for the food you eat, it is ordinary
When you resolve to feed the less fortunate than you always, it is extraordinary
When you exercise when you have time, it is ordinary
When you exercise regularly, it is extraordinary
When you think about why someone has been unfair to you, it is ordinary
When you smile at the helpless nature of that person, it is extraordinary
When you judge someone based on their reactions to you and your problems, it is ordinary
When you overlook your biases and stop judging, it is extraordinary

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Several things from our daily lives can be listed. The line between ordinary and extraordinary might be small, but it is very distinct. In your work place or home or community, where ever your interactions are with others, you can definitely take the extra effort to provide an extra ordinary experience to others. Companies can do it too. Some people I have watched on TV or have come across in my everyday life have done it…

When Sony introduces a MP3 player, I think it is ordinary
When Apple presents their ipod, I think it is extraordinary
When Bill Gates presents, I think it is ordinary
When Steve Jobs charms, I think it is extraordinary
When I have my coffee at Jim and Joes, it is ordinary
The experience I get at Starbucks is extraordinary…

I agree! it is your quote!!

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Ambition vs. Perception

It is very important not to let ambition to achieve cloud the ability to perceive things clearly. In a company, the ability to succeed really depends on your ability to understand the situation, politics and priorities of the management. I have been found guilty of not doing this recently and had to deal with some distractions that could have been easily avoided.

What ever your goals and visions are, never forget that if those goals and visions are not nicely aligned with the right time, it is going to backfire. What is the right time? Sometimes you know it in heart (can be wrong) or find a trusted friend or mentor, who has been in the company long enough to know. The latter always helps!

Results Vs. Process

When the focus is on enjoying the process of doing something rather than the actual results itself, the results turn out to be better. I have noticed that in myself and others. From my childhood days and even when I was in my early years of PhD, the focus was on results. I wanted to come first in class or a competition, write a paer about “how this technique kicks ass (result)”, etc when the actual goal should have been to learn something and enjoy it. Result driven approach used to put so much pressure on me. I always was thinking about the final outcome and if it did not come that way, it would make me feel very bad. Along the way, I discovered that the actual happiness is not in the result but in the process. That is the reason, to this day and to the amusement of my wife, I say that I only value my PhD for what it has taught me, not for the degree itself.

What are results? Most part of this approach (excluding the elitist few) is driven towards showing others what we are capable of. In that process, we put unnecessary and unrealistic pressure on ourselves. When this factor goes out of our lives, we start living the life we want to happily and passionately towards what we believe in. This is a small point but makes a huge difference.